Emotions

“Jealousy—Tormenting yourself, for fear you should be tormented by another.” – Paul Chatfield

Jealousy is one of humanity’s biggest torments. Taking deep breaths is not enough to handle this feeling. One needs to put in more effort and understanding. This article will cover the root causes and how to deal with jealousy.

What is jealousy? Definition and meaning

“Jealous” definition, according to Dictionary.com:

“jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself. Mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.”

The heavy emotion that is jealousy does not discriminate. It is experienced yall ages and genders. Jealous feelings are negative feelings and can be felt in different ways, from suspicion, fear, shame, and anger. These feelings, revolving around the success of others, around romantic relationships. Jealous thoughts can have a negative impact on our mental health and overall well-being. 

What causes jealousy?

To overcome jealousy one must first understand what is the root cause of jealousy. This way we can be aware of our thoughts, words, and actions before we hurt anyone’s feelings. Here is a list of 10 causes of jealousy.

1. Unfulfilled childhood needs

Studies have shown that if you had a need that was not fulfilled as a young child then you will develop feelings of resentment, jealousy and envy.

2. Low self-esteem

The fact that someone might feel they are inadequate is a red flag for jealousy. They will look back on their own life and compare success. If there is someone else better than them at something they will feel threatened by them. This will be 

3. Social Media

Social media has had a high impact on jealousy. You are able to see your best friend’s perceived perfect and healthy relationship on your feed every day and this might make you envious because it reminds you of your past relationships.

4. Rivalry between siblings

If one sibling sees their father giving the other more affection, gifts, or whatever the treasure, they will develop feelings of jealousy.

5. Attractiveness

Sometimes two best friends can be just as attractive as each other, but the one will have preconceived ideas of beauty (thank you media). If they do not fit the box in their mind’s eye of what beauty is then they will be jealous of their friend who does.

6. Paranoia over your partner’s infidelity.

If your partner is working late hours every day, and seeming to be elusive when it comes to your questions on their whereabouts it’s undoubtedly going to result in jealousy.

7. Promotions

If your colleague at work received the promotion you have been working hard for it will be hard to not feel jealous, after all the work you’ve done to earn what they did.

8. Abandonment

If you have a history of being left out, left behind, broken up with, or anything along those lines you are more than likely to be envious of people with strong family connections, or someone who is in a happy and healthy relationship.

9. Weight

If you have always dreamed of reaching a certain weight, or body build, and you never manage to achieve this goal, you will be envious of those people who have your perceived dream body.

10. Materialistic gain

Sometimes there are friends of different financial backgrounds. One friend might receive a higher reward from the tooth fairy than the other. This is undoubtedly going to sabotage their self-image, bringing out feelings or resentment for your friend earning more than you.

What are the signs of jealousy? (10 characteristics of an envious person)

Every single person has feelings of jealousy at some point in their lives, it happens to the best of us. Whether it be about a family member, a work colleague, or your best friend, or a current relationship, being aware of the signs and triggers will help you avoid these feelings and even be more aware of others feeling them towards us.

1. Devaluing someone’s success.

Have you ever won a game of pool and your opponent plays it down as a fluke? This is because a jealous person can not stand to lose in the first place in the fear of being insufficient, therefore they will make it as if your success was not about your skill but luck.

2. Over-the-top, or passive-aggressive compliments.

New friends, or old, will never want to accept the fact that they are jealous of you. Sometimes the jealous person has not even realized it yet. This will come across in overly positive praise of your accomplishments, or undeniably passive-aggressive remarks leaving you unsure if they are feeling proud or resentful of you.

3.Purposefully misguiding you.

As if they were not jealous enough? A jealous person couldn’t stand it if your success grew even more so they will try to hinder your efforts with wrong information or advice to take action in a way they know will ensure your failure.

4. Speak badly of you when you’re not there.

People whom you perceive to be your loved ones will give you praise when you’re around to hear it. But as soon as they are behind closed doors they let loose on a rampage of gossip, spilling all their negative thoughts about you, parading any bad thing they might perceive within you.

5. Love to burst your bubble.

If you won a ticket to the festival of your dreams or the trip of a lifetime, your jealous friends and colleagues are more than likely going to state that the queues are going to be really long, or that you’re traveling in the rainy season. They will feel the need to remark on any possible negative aspect rather than be happy for you.

6. Infamous copy-cats.

Sometimes this is an unconscious action. Jealous people have like to boost their self-esteem by imitating your fashion style, accent, or follow with the same endeavors as someone they are envious of.

7. Critical.

There is constructive criticism from your peers whose mission is to help you. And then there is just downright criticism. Jealous people will point out your mistakes as if their lives depend on them, and they revel in the idea of your humiliation.

8. Competitive.

When you are really good at a certain sports game, you might find you have a personal rival, possibly even in your own team. They will constantly try to outrun you or score more points, in the hopes that they will be the player of the match, or star of the show, not you.

9. Boast about their success to drown out yours.

Whenever a jealous person achieves something, they will boast about it, glorify it, and often exaggerate their level of success in an attempt to make other people’s achievements seem less important. 

10. Dislike you for no apparent reason.

If someone is unable to own up to their feelings of jealousy or try to overcome them it can lead to their dislike, or even hatred, of you. 

How to deal with jealousy

Now that we have covered all the possible instigators for jealousy, we need to understand how to manage those feelings within ourselves as well as with others who front us with their own envy.

How to deal with jealous people

1. Lead by example.

Instead of following the footsteps of the jealous person and giving some jealous remarks in return for theirs, give a compliment instead. They will probably be quite taken back at your blatant disregard for their negative comments and have nothing to say.

2. Do not continue the perceived competition. 

One of the most efficient ways to diminish a jealous retort is one of those very well-known phrases: “It’s not a competition”. This will make the jealous person realize their overbearing attitude.

3. Dish out the compliments.

If you have been criticized endlessly by a jealous person, a practical way to deal with them, non-aggressively, is to either thank them for their criticism as if it were constructive or simply give them a compliment about the work they have done. In contrast to their negative comments, they will see their jealousy for themselves. 

4. Don’t react to their bashing.

If you do not react to their berating of your mistakes, it makes it all seem pointless and less enjoyable. If you do not feed the fire, it will go out.

5. Let go.

If someone is jealous of you, they could actually begin o hate you for no apparent reason at all. Sometimes the best thing is to know when to let go of those relationships. 

How to stop being jealous of yourself

Jealous is felt in every single human being. It is a normal part of our development. Here are a few pointers to understand how to get over jealousy within ourselves.

1. Don’t compare

We are all unique beings, living different lives, following different paths. There is no healthy way to compare our lives, therefore, in order to prevent envy over what we do not have, avoid comparing your success with others.

2. Establish the cause

Being jealous is often caused by something unconscious. If we can identify the cause then we can work through it.

3. Counselling

Family therapists and couple’s therapists alike are there for our benefit. They will help resurface any traumas which are dredging up unwanted behaviors and feelings like jealousy.

4. Being mindful

Being mindful of how certain people or situations make you feel might help you to realize feelings of jealousy before you take action with them and possibly offending your friend. Mindfulness is key.

5. Practice gratitude

Reminding yourself of every amazing aspect of your life, all your past achievements, your great support system, and more can help prevent feelings of jealousy. Be grateful for everything you have.

Key takeaways on dealing with jealousy

Awareness is the best way to deal with anything in humanity’s hearts and minds. Any unconscious behavior is bound to have a negative impact on your reactions. Now that we have discussed the possible causes of jealousy, as well as provided some insight on how to deal with those feelings, you can work on your personal progress, without the hindrance of other’s success being perceived better than yours.

FAQs

Why am I jealous so easily?

You probably have low self-esteem. Try not to compare yourself to others because your journey is your own. 

What does jealousy feel like?

Resentment, doubt, suspicion, anxiousness, fear, or anger.

Why am I so jealous in my relationship?

Maybe you believe yourself to not be pretty or that your partner is not attracted to you enough. You need to work on your positive affirmations because you are good enough!

Written by:
Jade Small

There are some seemingly blessed people out there who seem to float through life without a worry in the world. It may seem on the outside as if they are living this care-free lifestyle where nothing goes awry, but in truth, we all have something to worry about – some people have simply worked out their own stress management and how to stop stressing out.

Why you must learn how to stop stressing out over everything

Picture this: It’s a beautiful crisp morning, the birds were singing and the sun was shining – another glorious day. But, you’re late for work! Your alarm clock decided it forgot how to function so you woke up late. But that’s not all, you forgot to switch your car’s lights off and your battery ran dry and now you’re stuck in the traffic. As each minute ticks by and you’re still idling, the traffic flow stagnant, you start to feel those prickly feelings in your fingers, your palms start to sweat, your heart rate starts racing and you feel panic take over. Even though this is a natural response your body possesses, going through high-stress levels every day is unhealthy for our bodies. This is only one example of a cause of stress but our busy, modern-day lives are full of triggers ready to take their toll. From feeling worried about our loved ones, disputes with coworkers, being diagnosed with an illness, or losing a friend. This article will help you learn how to stop stressing out about everything so you can focus on your well-being.

As mentioned above, stress is a natural body function designed to help you cope with certain stressful situations. Your central nervous system calls upon your fight-or-flight response and your hypothalamus releases a hormone called cortisol from your adrenal glands which are commonly known as the stress hormone. If your lifestyle is full of stressors and you are living in a heightened state of stress you are indirectly putting your health at serious risk. Stress can reduce the efficiency of your immune system, reproductive system, digestive system, and pretty much every other system in your body. This can cause high blood pressure, put you at risk of heart attacks or strokes, and more. It can even have a long-lasting impact on your mental health, leaving you struggling with anxiety and depression. If you are experiencing any of these issues, we strongly suggest you seek out any medical advice. For now, however, we shall provide some pointers for you to avoid the previously mentioned symptoms.

11 best ways to stop stressing out so much

I now ask you to set aside all preconceived ideas of stress management. This is not a time to break out the booze, start smoking or avoiding the stressor altogether. 

1. Don’t over-crowd your schedule

In this modern world, we live in, we can quite easily find ourselves stuck in a rut of stress. It is important not to facilitate this stressful lifestyle by giving yourself too much for yourself to handle as one person. It is okay to say “no” occasionally or to delegate errands. This also includes asking our partner or housemate to do the grocery shopping from time to time.

2. Release control

It is a hard concept for some of us to grasp that we are not in control of everything in our lives. There are a lot of external influences that negatively impact us. In order to not stress out about that we need to relinquish that urgent need to control that which we cannot, and rather focus on what we can, like our reactions. 

3. Change your reaction

An example of this is when a teacher is trying to get her classroom of seven-year-olds on a sugar rush to sit down and listen. It is likely to cause stress because it is inevitable for the children to behave this way after all the sugar. The teacher cannot control the boisterous children but she can control how she reacts to them. This brings back strong memories of my first-grade teacher standing at the front of the class, patiently waiting with her index finger on her lips as a sign to be quiet… we eventually caught on.

4. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Occasionally our brains are too big for our bodies and there is not enough time in the day to complete all the tasks you have set yourself up to do. Our family, friends, and coworkers are not likely to leave you in the lurch if you say you need help. It does not mean you have failed, or that you are insufficient. Your resources will increase your resistance. Feeling stressed out can make your brain foggy and the situations can seem too confusing which can make it difficult to ask for help for something even you don’t understand fully. Your peers can help you even by just listening. Saying things out old can sometimes help things fall into place in your head, or maybe your friends and family can understand your problem because they are not clouded by emotions. Just reach out to those around you, you might be pleasantly surprised at how willing your loved ones and even co-workers might be to assist.

5. Make art or journal

Artists and musicians alike have mastered channeling their negative feelings with mindfulness,  like stress, depression, and rage into their work. It is a great way to express your feelings without it affecting your life. Art, in any form, can help you reflect on and resolve your problems that may arise in your life. Art comes in many forms so the same can be said for journaling. It is important to write down everything you need to remember but equally important to write down everything you are grateful for. This can remind you that you are not alone and there are people there to help you.

6. Exercise

Literally, any form of physical activity will help improve your fitness levels. Another great plus is that it can also reduce your stress levels. This is mostly because exercise increases your brain’s production of endorphins. Have you ever wondered about that glorious feeling you get after a good sweat session? Well, that high is caused by endorphins which are positive neurotransmitters.

7. Do yoga

Yoga has been practiced as a great stress reliever over many centuries. The mind and body movements can help take your mind off your problems and exist only in the present moment. If practiced consistently.

8. Meditate

Much like yoga, meditation has been around for a while and it can help get you into a deepened state of relaxation. If practiced regularly, meditation will feel more natural and you won’t be met with s much resistance when trying to quiet your thoughts. To begin, take three deep breaths and focus your attention inward. Meditation can clear your brain of the day’s overload of information and stimulations.

9.  Breathing techniques

This is one of the most accessible methods to calm yourself in stressful environments. It can be done from anywhere: in a meeting for work, at home when your children are acting crazy, or at the mall during Christmas time. Simply focusing on your breath can have an immediate positive effect. Taking deep, long breaths or short, quick ones, filling into, and expelling from your diaphragm can help oxygen flow through to your brain, clear your thoughts so you can manage your tasks better.

10. Aromatherapy

Even though there are few studies on this concept, aromatherapy has grown increasingly popular as a relaxation technique. We are all too familiar with luxurious spas that exude aromatic scents that tantalize your senses. But there is nothing wrong with store-bought scented candles and oils to burn at your leisure within the comfort of your own home.?

11. Positive affirmations

The way in which we speak about and to ourselves is important. If you are constantly berating yourself for every mistake instead of praising your successes it will become harder and harder for you to see it. Negative thoughts will lower your vibration and they can cloud which makes problem-solving difficult. First, identify your negative thoughts and try to change them into positive ones. For example, Instead of being fearful that you might be the only one wearing a short dress for prom, reason with yourself, it’s more than likely there will be other girls in a short dress, and I mean… you have nice legs – show them off.

Key takeaways on how to stop stressing yourself out

We are all so different from one another and our triggers will never be the same as your best friend.  It is vital to learn how to stop stressing yourself out in order to live a happier and healthier life w need to put some effort into alleviating our struggles.  It may take some trial and error but it is important to find the best method for you. Just remember, you are not alone in this journey.

Written by:
Jade Small

Social anxiety and social anxiety disorders affect so many of us to the point where being in most social situations, we struggle to cope. Our mental health is deteriorating as a collective due to many outside factors, Coronavirus being one of them. There is no reason why struggling with a social anxiety disorder needs to be anything more than a short-term situation. Once we learn how to overcome our social anxiety problems, albeit, with a mental health professional, support groups, or on our own, we can move forward and be ourselves again! In this article, we discuss various signs and symptoms that you may be experiencing a social anxiety type disorder, and what to do about it.

What is social anxiety or social phobia?

Social anxiety definition according to the APA Dictionary of Psychology:

“fear of social situations in which embarrassment may occur (e.g., making conversation, meeting strangers, dating) or there is a risk of being negatively evaluated by others (e.g., seen as stupid, weak, or anxious). Social anxiety involves apprehensiveness about one’s social status, role, and behavior. When the anxiety causes individual significant distress or impairment in functioning, a diagnosis of social phobia may be warranted.”

There is being nervous for a big event you’ve been excited about for a while where your hands might perspire and you get that feeling of butterflies in your belly. But for people who struggle with Social anxiety, otherwise known as social phobia, it means you have a genuine and irrational fear of any social situation where you will be out of your comfort zone. Even having visitors at your own home can seem threatening to someone with social phobia. This disorder can be crippling, preventing you from functioning well at work or with your friends in large groups.

What is social anxiety disorder?

Social phobia became social anxiety disorder when the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or the DSM-5, was released in 1994. Social anxiety disorder replaced the, previously limited in understanding, social phobia term from the DSM-3 and became much more accepting of the wide variety of symptoms that come with it. Previously, social phobia was simply an intense fear of speaking in front of others. Now it encompasses the fear of all kinds of social settings. 

Social anxiety disorder, although similar, should not be confused with an avoidant personality disorder. Both mental health disorders are intensely and both are very similar but the difference is that those with APD are deeply rooted in their fears whereas someone with social anxiety can at least reason with themselves that what they are feeling is irrational.

Social anxiety causes: why you may have a social phobia

What causes social anxiety? Every aspect of our personality, the things that make us who we are, are influences that come from what we inherit biologically, as well as those external, or environmental factors that mold us into us. This also applies to all mental health disorders, including social anxiety disorder. Here are some possible causes:

1. How your brain functions.

Sometimes it comes down to your brain development. If your amygdala is on hyperdrive naturally, you will be more fearful in general and develop anxiety. This is because the amygdala controls your fear response. Or sometimes one’s brain produces an excess or uneven amount of serotonin and this has a negative effect.

2. Environmental factors.

External influence causes a learned response to a situation. Maybe your mother has a social anxiety disorder and you develop the same symptoms as a learned behavior as u are growing up.

3. Genetic factors.

Researchers have been unable to pinpoint exactly if people’s anxiety disorder was inherited genetically or if they simply inherit the disorder as a learned behavior as mentioned above. But both causes are just as probable as the other.

Do I have social anxiety?

The DSM-5 is the latest description of the disorder for social anxiety. It describes it as; 

“a persistent fear of one or more social or performance situations in which the person is exposed to unfamiliar people or to possible scrutiny by others.”

Because social anxiety is so easily confused and often overlapped with other mental disorders it makes the question, do I have social anxiety, all the more confusing. We have compiled a list of the symptoms to help further your understanding of social anxiety disorder.

Social anxiety symptoms: 10 telltale signs of this disorder

Symptoms of social anxiety can seriously be a hindrance to your day-to-day life. Social anxiety disorder can prevent you from functioning well in work or any kind of social setting. Awareness is key with anything, maybe you’re trying to understand your friend’s behavior or feelings within yourself. Please note, that if you are ever experiencing any of these symptoms it is advisable to seek medical advice or health care. Here are 10 symptoms or signs of social anxiety:

1. Physical symptoms include:

• Increased perspiration
• Heightened heart rate
• lightheadedness
• Tension in the body
• Shortness of breath
• nausea or diarrhea

2. Panicky

People with a social anxiety disorder are prone to panic attacks. this is because all of the physical symptoms of anxiety combined can be quite overwhelming.

3. Fear of others noticing

As if experiencing any of the physical symptoms that come with social anxiety disorder, having other people notice your behavior might set your anxiety off full-steam. This is due to their extreme self-consciousness

4. Fear of being judged

This is where you start averting your attention and attendance from the social anxiety triggers you have perceived to cause you to worry or fear.

5. Avoidance

You might find yourself or your friend starting to avoid the places that caused them anxiety. This might include going to work every day or attending birthdays or any kind of event. This is often where avoidant personality disorder comes into the mix, causing a diagnosis confusion.

6. Finds making eye-contact an obstacle.

Having eye-contact with someone means that person’s full attention is on you. This is a nightmare for someone with social anxiety who tries to avoid being the center of attention in social interactions.

7. Insecure body language

Social anxiety can be quite a debilitation in terms of your posture. If you are feeling anxious your shoulders are likely to be hunched forward, you’re likely to avoid facing people head-on, and your legs will be crossed if you’re in a sitting position.

8. Overly sensitive

Social anxiety causes an array of negative thoughts which facilitate low self-esteem which makes you terribly self-conscious. This can make you quite sensitive to criticism even if it’s most constructive and comes from your loved ones.

9. Conversationally shy

Similarly to being fearful of other people noticing your anxiety, starting conversations, or even holding them, can be quite the feared task. 

10. Stutters

If you are feeling panicky and your body is trembling from anxiety you can experience speech impediments. This can be from a build-up tension in public speaking or even going for interviews for a job.

How to overcome social anxiety disorder

Certain social anxieties are treatable with therapy only, but other anxieties are best dealt with a mixture of therapy and medication. This is just like if you are trying to lose weight. It’s about making changes to your diet and your lifestyle. Both work independently to some degree, but you get the best results with a combination of both.

Dealing with social anxiety using medication

When dealing with social anxiety, the kind that is sensitive to one kind of social task or setting, regular psychotherapy sessions are enough to help you function through your daily life. If you suffer from social anxiety which succumbs to every social setting, a mixture of both Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT and antidepressants will ensure the greatest progress. Imagine if you are trying to lose weight. The best way is a combination between diet and lifestyle – what you eat and how often you exercise. Both will work independently, to some degree, but the combination is better. Below are examples of medications that could be prescribed to you. Please note that your doctor will only prescribe these after extensive psychiatry sessions. There are no guarantees with any medication you take either, we are all unique human beings with different bodies and different experiences. Our only guidance is for you to seek medical advice before you seek medication.

Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors (MAOIs)

Each of us has an enzyme within our bodies, which is responsible for eradicating the neurotransmitters; dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine from the brain, called monoamine oxidase. MAOIs prevent this from happening. Here are some options that could be right for you.

• Marplan
• Nardil
• Parnate

Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs)

Our brains each 

take in neurotransmitters at different speeds, some faster than others. SNRIs help our brains slow down on the intake of serotonin and norepinephrine so they have time to do their work.

• Cymbalta
• Effexor XR
• Pristiq

Beta Blockers

Norepinephrine is responsible for fear response, or the fight-or-flight reaction. Beta-blockers, do as the name suggests, and block those effects. They are usually taken before a singular event to keep anxiety symptoms, like heightened heart rate, stutters, or perspiration, at bay.

• Bisoprolol
• Nadolol
• Acebutolol
• Propranolol

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs)

This drug is efficient and quite popular in treating depression and anxiety, probably due to its versatility and bearable side effects. SSRIs are similar to SNRIs in that they slow down the intake of neurotransmitters but it selectively only does that for serotonin, not norepinephrine as well.

• Prozac 
• Zoloft
• Celexa
• Lexapro

Benzodiazepines

If you have a substance abuse problem, these are not your best option because they can be addictive. They slow down your central nervous system and this alleviates the feelings and symptoms of anxiety.

• Xanax
• Ativan
• Valium

Using therapy as a social anxiety disorder treatment

Having social anxiety means you struggle with being sociable or just social situations in general, even if it’s just one-on-one. This would mean your therapy sessions will take time and your therapist must be patient and willing to build trust in the therapeutic relationship.

Group therapy

This may seem to be based around the same concept people with social anxiety are trying to avoid but it is actually a great place to practice your social skills like speaking in front of people.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

This requires work on both the therapist’s and the client’s part. The aim of CBT is to allow the client to take note of their negative thoughts and behaviors and learn how to change them into positive ones.

Psychodynamic therapy (PDT)

This is helpful; because it addresses any subconscious thoughts and feelings that may be causing anxiety or depression. This is an expressive therapy and requires time and trust.

Social skills training

Similarly to group therapy except its done alone or in a group setting. With this training, you will learn how to assert yourself instead of shrinking away or agreeing to something you do not want to. It can also help you learn social skills with methods like role-playing between the client and the therapist.

Key takeaways on overcoming social anxiety

Social anxiety can seem unbelievably daunting. The task of therapy contradicts the very old of the therapy in your life. It is important to know that you are not alone in these exacerbating feelings. With a little bit of help from knowledgeable therapists and doctors, you take back control over your life. 

FAQs

Why do I suddenly have social anxiety?

Due to a mixture of genetic, learned and external factors, we can develop feelings of social anxiety in any social setting. Some of us have selective anxiety which only arises in certain situations like public speaking or an important meeting at work.

Can you self-diagnose social anxiety?

You need to seek medical advice from a therapist who has studied psychology. If he or she thinks you may need medication as well they will refer you to a psychiatrist.

What happens if social anxiety is left untreated?

If you ignore the small symptoms of anxiety they will fester, and begin to take over. Before you know it you will go from avoiding malls, to never leaving your house.

Will my social anxiety ever go away?

Studies have shown that social anxiety can last up to a few years, or even a lifetime. It is up to your body, your mind’s willingness and ability to adapt, and the amount of therapy you wish to undergo to know if your anxiety will go away eventually.

Can I beat anxiety without medication?

Not all anxiety requires medication as a treatment. Some anxieties are manageable with psychotherapy.

Does social anxiety get worse with age?

If left untreated, social anxiety will get worse but not necessarily because of age. Social anxiety is, however, more common in older people.

Written by:
Jade Small